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Yesterday was my birthday. Another year's past, another year older. Since 26, each birthday I have had has been a huge reminder that I am getting older, and my life is going no where (well, not really, but it hasn't gone in the direction or timing I planned). However, this year has been pretty awesome. It hasn't been easy at times but it has been a great year of growth and experience, and I am pumped about the year ahead.
Sure, according to my childhood plans, I am seriously behind schedule on my "life". According to my own plans, I am two kids behind, a degree behind, several years behind of ministry in Africa, several major healings and miracles behind, and several walking on water experiences behind. But, my plans don't matter. God's plans do. Nearly daily I surrender my will and life to him, so why is it I get so bummed out when he doesn't work according to my schedule? And whose fault is it that I am not where I want to be? Is it me following God's will and where I am is fully where he wants me to be, or is it my own laziness and fear that is stopping me, but I just blame the will of God?
I was talking to God about this the other day, or rather whining and complaining to God, and he seriously put me in my place. I was expressing my concern, or fear rather, on how long it would take us to get back to Africa. I was reminding him that I was about to be 29, and nowhere near where I imagined I would be, in my walk with him, in my life, and in ministry. He said to me, "Whose stopping you? Stop complaining and do something about it. You hold you back more than I. Get up and do something about it! Move forward instead of standing still, remember, I respond to movement. I would rather you move and stumble than stand still and go nowhere."
Wow. What a reminder that there is God's perfect will, and God's permissible will. I desire his perfect will for my life, but I think I settle for his permissible will too often. How often do I ask for his perfect will to be done in my life, but then do nothing to pursue it? God is perfect and unchanging, which means if we are not in sync, I am the one that needs to adjust. If I am not as close to God as I want to be. If I do know His heart as I desire to know it. If I am not as in tune with the Holy Spirit and I would like, is it because He is holding back? NO! I am the one that must draw near to him and He will draw near to me. I am the one who must seek Him and then all these things will be added.
Each year on my birthday, I look back at what the year has been, and think about the year to come. This year, I want to be on the move with Him. I want to be in pursuit of His heart and His perfect will for my life. I don't want another idle year to pass. I want to look back next year on my birthday....for which I will be 29 again....and say, "God, I know you more, I love you more, I am obeying you more."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Speaking of time, my how does it fly!
My precious baby boy turned 5 yesterday. I can hardly believe it. If I could, I would have video taped every single moment of the past five years, so as to not forget a second. It goes by too fast! Before I know it, he's gonna be all grown up and too cool for mater, cuddles, and sneaking into our bed at night.
Son is my sweet, sensitive, tender hearted little boy, who can't sit still for more than 5 minutes. He loves all things boy, sports, cars, superheroes, and tormenting his big sister. His big sister who is also his best friend!
I love you, Mr. Funny!
Son is my sweet, sensitive, tender hearted little boy, who can't sit still for more than 5 minutes. He loves all things boy, sports, cars, superheroes, and tormenting his big sister. His big sister who is also his best friend!
I love you, Mr. Funny!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Priorities, Schedules, Time
I over heard a conversation the other day in which the comment was made, "it seems he feel like he has to get everything together, that his life has to be fully in order before he can move forward."
Oh, how that comment is totally and completely me!! I try so hard to get all the ducks in a row, so that I can "move forward" with life. I do this knowing it is never fully going to happen, yet I try anyway. I am constantly in "catch up" mode. I need to catch up on my house work before I can, start a new bible study, exercise, or just simply follow my normal daily routine. I need to catch up on the check book before we can follow our budget really well. I need to catch up on my paperwork before I can start working on ministry stuff for AFN again. The list goes on and on...
My goal--to be caught up on everything, so that then my life will run smoothly and on schedule, day after day. This seems to be the unreachable goal for me, I believe because it is a bit unrealistic.
Sure, there are things I could do to improve. I could practice more self discipline. I could say no to distractions. Distractions like tv and computer or a project that really doesn't need to be done now. These are distractions that I know are of no eternal purpose and are a waste of my time, and yet I do them anyway.
However, Life does not happen on a schedule, no matter how hard we may try. Life throws us curve balls that take us out of our daily routine. And no matter how much house work or check books we balance, there will always be more that needs to be done.
I believe it is better to change our mindset. Rather than try to follow a schedule or routine, to live life according to our priorities. We must change our perspective so that we do not see the long list of things that need to get done, but rather the important priorities that should receive our time and attention.
Before Son was born, I was blessed to work with an amazing company. I worked for a company who coached business people how to succeed in life and business. It sounds cheesy and gimmicky when you say it, but it was anything but. This company was a group of believers whose hearts desire was to see overworked successful business people begin to live their life to the fullest, beginning with a relationship with Jesus. They wanted to teach them how to live their priorities rather than work themselves to death only to look back at the end of their lives and realize it was all for nothing. The coaches and owners of this company lived what they taught. They were people that you looked at and said, I want to be like them! They were also very successful at what they did, and saw marriages and families saved, saw people recover from depression and addictions, and most of all saw many people come to know Jesus personally.
When you signed up for the program, the first thing you did was create a life plan. A picture of what you wanted your life to look like now and in 20 years. Then you create accounts, or priorities, and set your time and resources accordingly.
It has been a long time since I have looked at my life plan, but I know I could certainly improve in giving my priorities more attention. I could do better in living life according to what is important rather than by the never ending to do list. To do this requires two things: a change in mindset, moving from the list to the priority, and a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. He is faithful to lead us in each decision if we listen to Him. If I begin my day with Jesus and surrender to His will and schedule for the day rather than mine, I know he will lead me, and I will experience more peace and fulfillment in each day.
Two days ago, a friend of ours dad died unexpectedly. Unexpected deaths are much harder to deal with than the ones you know are coming. Although I did not know this man, the news startled me. In an instant our life on earth can be over. You do not always get notice, time to prepare. How precious is our time here. We only have this short time to store are prepare for eternity.
I came across a page of quotes my one of my favorite revivalist, Leonard Ravenhill. Each one stings and challenges, but this one seemed to sting the most today, as I think about schedules, priorities and the wasting of idle time. It is a quote I will be writing out and posting on my TV and computer to remind me of how precious time is and how I should be spending it. It is my challenge for this week to turn off the TV and get into the Word more and spend more time being with my kids.
"How can you pull down strongholds of Satan if you don’t even have the strength to turn off your TV?"
Oh, how that comment is totally and completely me!! I try so hard to get all the ducks in a row, so that I can "move forward" with life. I do this knowing it is never fully going to happen, yet I try anyway. I am constantly in "catch up" mode. I need to catch up on my house work before I can, start a new bible study, exercise, or just simply follow my normal daily routine. I need to catch up on the check book before we can follow our budget really well. I need to catch up on my paperwork before I can start working on ministry stuff for AFN again. The list goes on and on...
My goal--to be caught up on everything, so that then my life will run smoothly and on schedule, day after day. This seems to be the unreachable goal for me, I believe because it is a bit unrealistic.
Sure, there are things I could do to improve. I could practice more self discipline. I could say no to distractions. Distractions like tv and computer or a project that really doesn't need to be done now. These are distractions that I know are of no eternal purpose and are a waste of my time, and yet I do them anyway.
However, Life does not happen on a schedule, no matter how hard we may try. Life throws us curve balls that take us out of our daily routine. And no matter how much house work or check books we balance, there will always be more that needs to be done.
I believe it is better to change our mindset. Rather than try to follow a schedule or routine, to live life according to our priorities. We must change our perspective so that we do not see the long list of things that need to get done, but rather the important priorities that should receive our time and attention.
Before Son was born, I was blessed to work with an amazing company. I worked for a company who coached business people how to succeed in life and business. It sounds cheesy and gimmicky when you say it, but it was anything but. This company was a group of believers whose hearts desire was to see overworked successful business people begin to live their life to the fullest, beginning with a relationship with Jesus. They wanted to teach them how to live their priorities rather than work themselves to death only to look back at the end of their lives and realize it was all for nothing. The coaches and owners of this company lived what they taught. They were people that you looked at and said, I want to be like them! They were also very successful at what they did, and saw marriages and families saved, saw people recover from depression and addictions, and most of all saw many people come to know Jesus personally.
When you signed up for the program, the first thing you did was create a life plan. A picture of what you wanted your life to look like now and in 20 years. Then you create accounts, or priorities, and set your time and resources accordingly.
It has been a long time since I have looked at my life plan, but I know I could certainly improve in giving my priorities more attention. I could do better in living life according to what is important rather than by the never ending to do list. To do this requires two things: a change in mindset, moving from the list to the priority, and a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. He is faithful to lead us in each decision if we listen to Him. If I begin my day with Jesus and surrender to His will and schedule for the day rather than mine, I know he will lead me, and I will experience more peace and fulfillment in each day.
Two days ago, a friend of ours dad died unexpectedly. Unexpected deaths are much harder to deal with than the ones you know are coming. Although I did not know this man, the news startled me. In an instant our life on earth can be over. You do not always get notice, time to prepare. How precious is our time here. We only have this short time to store are prepare for eternity.
I came across a page of quotes my one of my favorite revivalist, Leonard Ravenhill. Each one stings and challenges, but this one seemed to sting the most today, as I think about schedules, priorities and the wasting of idle time. It is a quote I will be writing out and posting on my TV and computer to remind me of how precious time is and how I should be spending it. It is my challenge for this week to turn off the TV and get into the Word more and spend more time being with my kids.
"How can you pull down strongholds of Satan if you don’t even have the strength to turn off your TV?"
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Obediently seeking...
Today, my daughter disobeyed. Deliberatly chose to disobey. It wasn't one of those childish, ops, I forgot. Or, I'll do what you say but only halfway sort of deals. It was a blatant thought out choice to disobey. This is not the first time she has done this, and I doubt it will be the last...after all, she is only five...but it caught me off guard (she's been a really good girl lately), and got me to thinking.
Daughter wanted a brownie. She asked me for the brownie, but I said no. I didn't give her a reason, I just said no. I had a reason, I just didn't tell her. (I was too preoccupied at the time, to be honest.) My reason was good, and for her best intrest. I was about to make dinner, and didn't want her to spoil her appetite. I would give her the brownie after dinner.
About 15 minutes later, I go down to the kitchen and the brownie is gone. Not only is the brownie gone, be the evidence, the empty pan, had been strategically placed in the sink with the other dirty dishes. BUSTED.
I asked why she ate it and she told me because she wanted the brownie and there was only one left. So, basically, she was afraid that if she waited and obey the thing she really wanted would no longer be there.
Oh, how often am I like her with God? He tells me no. He says no, knowing full well why he is telling me no. Often it's simply because it's not time, other things must be done first. But, in my immaturity, in my selfishness, in my desire to satisfy my want now, I eat the brownie anyway, worried that if I wait and trust God, the brownie will be gone and I will miss out.
Daughter didn't ask me why she couldn't have the brownie. All she heard from me was no, and left it at that. She didn't take the time to seek out the reason for the no from mommy. Instead, she immediatly focused on figuring out a way to get what she wanted despite what I said.
I do that. I ask God, and He says no. And instead of seeking Him for the why, I just go on trying to figure out how to do it on my own anyway.
I find myself doing that even now. I want to go back to africa yesterday! I don't want 2 months every eight years! Every day that goes by with no activity focused on getting us back there; every day that goes by with us just striving to make it here, let alone save to return, I begin to panic. I get anxious and want to start figuring out a way to make it happen on my own. Instead, I should be seeking Him! Asking him the why! Why am I here, and what do You want to happen before I can "eat the brownie".
I believe we do not seek him about the reason for His answer enough, and we really should. You may discover that the no is really just a 'not right now' or you may discover that it really is NO. You may also discover, as I have several times, that there are just some things beyond our human understanding and we just have to trust that God is God. But, I believe that more often than not, we will discover a father's heart for His child. You will discover that He desires only good things for His children, and all that he allows or doesn't allow has eternal purpose.
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Mt 6:33
P.S. Key to seeking: LISTENING :-)
Daughter wanted a brownie. She asked me for the brownie, but I said no. I didn't give her a reason, I just said no. I had a reason, I just didn't tell her. (I was too preoccupied at the time, to be honest.) My reason was good, and for her best intrest. I was about to make dinner, and didn't want her to spoil her appetite. I would give her the brownie after dinner.
About 15 minutes later, I go down to the kitchen and the brownie is gone. Not only is the brownie gone, be the evidence, the empty pan, had been strategically placed in the sink with the other dirty dishes. BUSTED.
I asked why she ate it and she told me because she wanted the brownie and there was only one left. So, basically, she was afraid that if she waited and obey the thing she really wanted would no longer be there.
Oh, how often am I like her with God? He tells me no. He says no, knowing full well why he is telling me no. Often it's simply because it's not time, other things must be done first. But, in my immaturity, in my selfishness, in my desire to satisfy my want now, I eat the brownie anyway, worried that if I wait and trust God, the brownie will be gone and I will miss out.
Daughter didn't ask me why she couldn't have the brownie. All she heard from me was no, and left it at that. She didn't take the time to seek out the reason for the no from mommy. Instead, she immediatly focused on figuring out a way to get what she wanted despite what I said.
I do that. I ask God, and He says no. And instead of seeking Him for the why, I just go on trying to figure out how to do it on my own anyway.
I find myself doing that even now. I want to go back to africa yesterday! I don't want 2 months every eight years! Every day that goes by with no activity focused on getting us back there; every day that goes by with us just striving to make it here, let alone save to return, I begin to panic. I get anxious and want to start figuring out a way to make it happen on my own. Instead, I should be seeking Him! Asking him the why! Why am I here, and what do You want to happen before I can "eat the brownie".
I believe we do not seek him about the reason for His answer enough, and we really should. You may discover that the no is really just a 'not right now' or you may discover that it really is NO. You may also discover, as I have several times, that there are just some things beyond our human understanding and we just have to trust that God is God. But, I believe that more often than not, we will discover a father's heart for His child. You will discover that He desires only good things for His children, and all that he allows or doesn't allow has eternal purpose.
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Mt 6:33
P.S. Key to seeking: LISTENING :-)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Anniversary
Tomorrow is our Anniversary. We have been married eight years. I can hardly believe it! It has been eight wonderful years full of adventures--both good and bad, but all of which have only brought us closer. I love him more now than ever, and am so thankful for the wonderful marriage God has blessed us with.
Happy Anniversary, sweetie, I love you!!!
Happy Anniversary, sweetie, I love you!!!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
One Proud Mommy!
I love my kids. They are good kids. Sure, they drive me insane some times, and some times they can be really naughty, but I think that goes for all kids. And like all kids, they have a tendency to be selfish. They even throw tantrums once in awhile when they don't get what they want.
For the past few weeks they have been after me to go through their clothes and toys, so that they could give some to the African kids that do not have any. The clothes part is easy--if it's too small it goes. The toys, well that's a whole other subject. But, today, Malachi and I went through all of his toys, and he gave away quite a bit! He looked at every car, one by one, and gave away over half of his collection. He kept three of his rescue heroes and gave away the rest. He gave away one of his little buzz toys, saying he had another one like it that was blue.
The biggest suprise to mommy---he gave away a stuffed mater. (Malachi LOVES his stuffed animals, and he especially loves mater. He has one that he sleeps with everynight--along with about 10 other things!). That one was a little tough. He thought about it for awhile, and said "good bye". I told him (like a hundred times during this process) ,"you don't have to give away anything. It's up to you, but you don't have to if you don't want to." He said, "No, I want to." I asked him "why?" He said "because, some kids don't have any stuffed animals at all, and I have my other mater."
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thankful
Psalm 147
6The Lord lifts up the humble and downtrodden; He casts the wicked down to the ground.
7Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; sing praises with the harp or the lyre to our God!--
8Who covers the heavens with clouds, Who prepares rain for the earth, Who makes grass to grow on the mountains.
Psalm 100
A Psalm of thanksgiving and for the thank offering.
1MAKE A joyful noise to the Lord, all you lands!
2Serve the Lord with gladness! Come before His presence with singing!
3Know (perceive, recognize, and understand with approval) that the Lord is God! It is He Who has made us, not we ourselves [and we are His]! We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
4Enter into His gates with thanksgiving and a thank offering and into His courts with praise! Be thankful and say so to Him, bless and affectionately praise His name!
5For the Lord is good; His mercy and loving-kindness are everlasting, His faithfulness and truth endure to all generations.
Psalm 95
1O COME, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the Rock of our salvation!
2Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise!
3For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods.
Philippians 4
6Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
Tomorrow is thanksgiving, and I have so much to be thankful for this year.
We serve a good, awesome, and amazing GOD. His faithfulness, mercies, grace, and love are never ending. I love the Lord so much, and am thankful that He never gives up on me!
I am thankful for Jody. He is my best friend and the love of my life. He is a wonderful husband, and a great father. I am thankful for the 8 wonderful years we have had together, and for all the years to come.
I am thankful for my children, my special gifts from God. They continue to amaze me each and every day, and I count it a blessing and honor to be given the privledge to be their mommy.
I am thankful for my family. You never outgrow the need for your family. I am 28, and still feel like a lost kid sometimes, but I have great parents that continue to teach me and guide me. And my sisters, well, they are my best friends, and I love them.
I am thankful for the up-coming opportunity to serve the people of Africa, and I am thankful for all of you who have supported us and helped make this opportunity possible.
I am thankful for our good friends. Friends that have sharpened us, and stuck close to us through some really hard times.
I am thankful for our church family who love us and support us and believe in us.
I am thankful for the little things that we so often take for granted: a home, clothes, food, toys, freedom..... God is GOOD.
In everything give thanks! THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL YOUR WONDERFUL BLESSINGS! THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND MERCY AND GRACE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS AND FOR THE CROSS. THANK YOU LORD FOR LOVING ME!!!!
6The Lord lifts up the humble and downtrodden; He casts the wicked down to the ground.
7Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; sing praises with the harp or the lyre to our God!--
8Who covers the heavens with clouds, Who prepares rain for the earth, Who makes grass to grow on the mountains.
Psalm 100
A Psalm of thanksgiving and for the thank offering.
1MAKE A joyful noise to the Lord, all you lands!
2Serve the Lord with gladness! Come before His presence with singing!
3Know (perceive, recognize, and understand with approval) that the Lord is God! It is He Who has made us, not we ourselves [and we are His]! We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
4Enter into His gates with thanksgiving and a thank offering and into His courts with praise! Be thankful and say so to Him, bless and affectionately praise His name!
5For the Lord is good; His mercy and loving-kindness are everlasting, His faithfulness and truth endure to all generations.
Psalm 95
1O COME, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the Rock of our salvation!
2Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise!
3For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods.
Philippians 4
6Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
Tomorrow is thanksgiving, and I have so much to be thankful for this year.
We serve a good, awesome, and amazing GOD. His faithfulness, mercies, grace, and love are never ending. I love the Lord so much, and am thankful that He never gives up on me!
I am thankful for Jody. He is my best friend and the love of my life. He is a wonderful husband, and a great father. I am thankful for the 8 wonderful years we have had together, and for all the years to come.
I am thankful for my children, my special gifts from God. They continue to amaze me each and every day, and I count it a blessing and honor to be given the privledge to be their mommy.
I am thankful for my family. You never outgrow the need for your family. I am 28, and still feel like a lost kid sometimes, but I have great parents that continue to teach me and guide me. And my sisters, well, they are my best friends, and I love them.
I am thankful for the up-coming opportunity to serve the people of Africa, and I am thankful for all of you who have supported us and helped make this opportunity possible.
I am thankful for our good friends. Friends that have sharpened us, and stuck close to us through some really hard times.
I am thankful for our church family who love us and support us and believe in us.
I am thankful for the little things that we so often take for granted: a home, clothes, food, toys, freedom..... God is GOOD.
In everything give thanks! THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL YOUR WONDERFUL BLESSINGS! THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND MERCY AND GRACE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS AND FOR THE CROSS. THANK YOU LORD FOR LOVING ME!!!!
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