Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A broken momma....

She has given me two of the most precious gifts. Gifts for which I could never repay. Our relationship is unique. Often unheard of for two in our predicament.

She has betrayed me, hurt me, lied to me. There have been moments where I have been so angry with her, fuming with hate. Yet, I love her. I love her with a deep love that just won't go away. Others ask, why do you bother? Why don't you just walk away? My answer is always the same. I just can't. I often wish I could. Watching her self destruct is painful.

I don't just see the outward self destruction. I see her brokenness. I see her true self, scared, wounded, unable to attach, unable to love. I see her loneliness, and her longing. Longing for someone to love her unconditionally. Longing for someone to care. I see who she could be, who she was created to be.

She is wounded, and doesn't know how to receive healing. She knows of Jesus and His power, of His unending love, but in her brokenness she isn't able to receive it, to let it change her completely.

She says, "I am afraid to be normal, afraid to feel." What it must be like to live with so much pain. What I wouldn't do to take it all away. I sit here, listening, feeling helpless.

In her brokenness, she chose to obey. She chose to listen to the Holy Spirit. She chose life. She chose me to do what she could not. She may never experience wholeness, but because of Jesus her children will. They will know the Father's love. They will know the love of a family, they will know safety, comfort, peace, joy and His grace and mercy.

I want them to know her, too. I see her in their faces each time they smile. I want them to hear her tell a story of God's restoration power. It's not too late. It's never too late to surrender.

Jesus, work a miracle. Set her up with a divine appointment. Bring full restoration to her life. May she be able to receive your love, grace and mercy. Heal her completely. Restore her completely. Give her a Genesis Week in the chaos of her life. Amen.