Friday, December 31, 2010

It's a New Year!!

Tomorrow marks the start of a year; a new decade.

The first decade of the 21st century brought marriage, two children, and numerous trials and triumphs, and countless failures and victories. Through each mistake and each success, growth has occurred; beneficial lessons have been learned.

The final year of this decade has been filled with really BIG changes for my family. It has been a year of moving forward and stepping out in faith like never before. God has a way of stretching your faith as far as it can go, and then when you don't thing you can stretch any more, He shows you His faithfulness and you find yourself expanding, growing into His fullness.

As I think upon the new year, and the new decade, I begin to get butterflies. I know that big things are in store, promises are going to be fulfilled. I want with all my heart to fulfill His perfect will and do the work He has for me to do on this earth.

However, as much as I want to do His work and share His love and salvation with others, there is something I want a thousand times more. A few months back, during a prophetic prayer, my Abba Father said to me, it's your turn, ask whatever you want, it's yours.

One word came to mind. Abide. I want to Abide in Him and He in me. I want to know Him. I want to know and fully understand the Father's love. I want to know the Son and understand the fullness of His sacrifice and suffering.

And so, this is my prayer for me and my family: Father, may I Abide in You, and You in me. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can I, unless I abide in You.

Happy New Year everyone! May His blessings and peace abound in your life this year.

The best is yet to come....

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


My Grandma is sick. My best friend is in pre-labor. It's the holidays. I want to go home.

It is moments like these that I remind myself, it's not about the now, its about the forever. If all there was to life was compacted into the 75 ish years we receive on earth, goodness knows I wouldn't be spending it here! I wouldn't be itching to live out my life in a third world country with few creature comforts.

If it weren't for eternity, I would have continued my comfortable life in my comfortable city with my comfortable family and friends. I would watch my niece grow up. I would enjoy the fellowship of all my mommy friends as our kids grow up, side by side. I would happily listen to the banter between my husband and his closest friend. I would be content knowing that my children had the love and support of extended family, just minutes away.

If it weren't for eternity, I wouldn't be living by faith, dependent on God to pay the rent. I would put down roots. I would be successful and financially secure.

But the truth is, JESUS is REAL. This life is just a small bleep on the radar of eternity. I will live forever. My Grandma will live forever. I will have eternity to be with the ones I love. I will have eternity to be comfortable and secure.

What I do not have eternity to do is tell others about Jesus, the WAY to eternal life. That is one thing that can only be done here on earth.

So, on days like today, when all I really want to do is be with my Grandma, be with my friend as she welcomes her new son into the world, and celebrate Christmas at my Mom's house like I have done every year since I was born, I think about....

...and I remember. Their Eternity is worth my discomfort. Their Soul is worth so much more than my tiny sacrifice here on earth.

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity. Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me.
John 12:24-26

Friday, November 26, 2010

My Pity Party

Yesterday, I was feeling very sorry for myself. I love holidays with my family. My mom goes out of her way to make everything beautiful and yummy. We eat a lot, watch Christmas movies, and look through all the Black Friday ads. Often, we spend Thanksgiving at the beach, which is my favorite!

This year, we were going to be with my hubby's family. We haven't been with his family for any holidays for nine years! It's always been too expensive to fly during thanksgiving or Christmas.
So, now that we are locals, it's finally their turn.

At the last minute, the family decided to go out of town. They had their reasons, and we understood. We couldn't go, so, here we are, alone. Hubby has been working in his home town, and had to work the day before and after the holiday, so we weren't even home alone in our house, we were alone at his Dad's house. At least for me, it was not the most ideal of circumstances.

Hub's childhood best friends invited us to their home for dinner. They are very kind and generous people and we had a good time.

Still, it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with my family, and if I couldn't then at least it was because I was being a kind wife and sacrificing to be with his family. Now, neither applied and that just stinks!

I tried to shake my bad mood all day. I mean, I realize I have nothing to complain about. I get to eat more food today than most people in the world will eat for an entire week. I have a home, clothes, and family.

My mind knew these facts, but my soul still wanted to pout.

Then, a face book post snapped me out of my self pity state. The post was a link to a blog about a little boy who is dying of cancer. His body is shutting down, and this will be his last Thanksgiving.

The blog linked was shared by a man who has every reason in the world to complain, but, at least in my interactions with him, rarely does. His daughter is in remission from cancer. His wife is dying of ALS. This, too, may be her last Thanksgiving.

The truth is, I am blessed beyond measure and reason. I have nothing, ever, to really complain about, and in all things I should give thanks.

Thank YOU, LORD, for all your goodness, kindness, and mercy, that you have shown to me and my family. Forgive my grumbling and complaining spirit.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

You want me to do what?

Throughout the Body of Christ, God is restoring the arts. Creativity and Expression are gifts from the Father. The ability to paint, draw, write songs, poetry, play music, all are reflections of His heart. Beautiful worship presented at His feet.

I appreciate this movement. But, this is one river of the spirit I don't tend to wade into.

However, on Wednesday, our class assignment was to write a song or poem. WHAT? I don't think so. Quickly after, I put it out of my mind. Teasing at home that I would have my creative daughter do the assignment for me.

Then today, when riding in the car, watching her giggle, seeing her birth mom's features shine through, the Lord put a poem in my heart. It is not fancy or well done, but it will pass for the assignment.

Abba’s Gift

You are present in every giggle,
Each smile, a reflection, personal.

A twinkling eye beaming forth a story of grace,
Your selfless love shining through her face.

An earthly portrait of an Eternal mystery.
Adoption, Abba’s gift to me.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

We're on the road and I am blogging...

I have two blogs. This blogs is for my personal thoughts/reflections. The other is for our family and ministry, to keep everyone updated. I have been blogging over at Ask For the Nations during our trip to South Carolina, so for updates, check it out and follow me at:

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Truth vs Protection

It is not a secret nor a forbidden topic. My children are adopted. It does not define them, but it is a part of who they are. Adoption is a beautiful, Biblical principal. My children know their birth mother, and see her more often than the standard open adoption calls for.

My children know their adoption stories. They come from the same mother and father. My son, was 'ours' since before He was born. I was blessed that our birth mom allowed me to go to every single dr appointment, and allowed me, my sister, and my mother in the birth room with her. I stayed at the hospital with my son, and aside from the two hours of the adoption paper signing, he never left my sight.

Son doesn't ask much about Birth Mother or his adoption. All he remembers, all he has ever know, is us as mom and dad. For now, that is all he cares about.

My daughter is 11 months older than my son. At 2 1/2 yrs old, she came to live with us. Temporarily at first, then forever. Daughter remembers being with her birth mom, and remembers coming to be with us. Her transition into our family was difficult at times. She was too young to understand the changes.

We have talked about her adoption story often. Each time, a little more information is given, daughter's curiosity to understand becoming stronger.

Yesterday, my daughter showed me that she is growing up. She is ready and wants to know more of the truth of her past. My standard answers were being challenged.

I am faces with a decision. I can continue to sugar coat the truth for the sake of "protection," or I can be fully honest, hoping that the whole truth will bring peace to her little spirit.

I choose full honesty, in words she understands. She listens intently, asking questions as we go. Our talk finishes and she gives me a big hug. "Mommy, thanks for telling me about my story."

Monday, June 21, 2010

Revival Past

Father's Day 1995. God chose to pour out His Spirit on a small town in the panhandle of Florida. A modern-day revival that lasted over five years. My children will read about the Pensacola Outpouring in Christian history books, just as I read about the Welsh Revival and Azusa Street.

I was there. I am a product of revival. For two years, I spent countless hours in His Presence. Seeking His face, experiencing His overwhelming love and power. I saw thousands saved, healed, delivered, baptized. I learned from, listened to, and was prayed for by many amazing men and women of God.

Ten years later, reflecting back, I remember what my professors said: revival is not enough. An experience will not sustain you. Only a relationship can sustain you. Relationships take work and time. They have highs and lows. Don't let go of the Father's love. Stay connected to His heart. Seek His heart and His presence on your own.

I nodded in agreement, thinking His manifest presence would always be here. I did not understand the warning they were issuing. Life outside the "revival bubble" was brutal. The Psalmist words, "better is one day in your presence than a thousand elsewhere," took on new meaning.

Not everyone who was there survived the aftermath that is "normal life". Many have fallen away or returned to a mediocre life. I, too, have failed to maintain the stamina of revival. Mediocrity is commonplace, the days of His manifest presence far and few between.

My relationship with Jesus, founded fourteen years before my revival experience, has sustained me. It has lacked perfection and passion, yet the longing has never lacked. His grace, His forever faithfulness, His everlasting love keeps me longing for more of Him. Longing to know Him. Longing to see Him.

..."Please. Let me see your Glory." YHWH (Yahweh) said, "I will make my Goodness pass right in front of you; I'll call out the name, YHWH, right before you...But you may not see my face. No one can see me and live...Look, here is a place right beside me. Put yourself on this rock. When my Glory passes by, I'll put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with my hand until I've passed by. Then I'll take my hand away and you'll see my back. But you won't see my face." (Ex 33:18-23)

When You said, “Seek My face,” My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.” (Ps 27:8)

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Father to the Fartherless

"Father of orphans, champion of widows, is God in his holy house. " Ps. 68:5 (msg) "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." Js. 1:27

I read this blog today. Of course, there is a special place in my heart for adoption. There are so many children all around the world and in our back yard in need of families. I wish we were ready to adopt again right now!!!!!

Personally, I think that everyone who calls themselves a Believer in Jesus Christ should be involved in adoption or the care of orphans in one way or another. No matter your circumstance, there is an adoption/orphan circumstance that will mesh with your specific situation. Honestly, the possibilities and opportunities are limitless.

Don't have a lot of money? Adopting wards of the state cost virtually nothing.

Don't have the patience for baby or toddler-hood? Older children are the least likely to be adopted, and are more available than younger children.

Single, but have the heart of a mother/father? You're still eligible for adoption in many countries for children of all ages.

Can you only tolerate children in small doses? Become a temporary or emergency foster home. You can offer hope and love that will see a child through their scariest and darkest moments.

Are you an empty nester, or do you have a heart to help teens or young adults? The following paragraph really tugged at my heart.

"I wanted to talk about the 18-year-olds I regularly see on adoption photolistings. Kids like Percell who, despite being old enough to live independently, place themselves on national photolistings because they desperately want to be adopted. Because, in Percell’s words, he “wants to become a member of a permanent family”. I wanted to talk about what life must be like for Percell, and other kids like him, who age out of the fostercare system despite a deep desire to have a family even as they enter adulthood."

Even if you can't adopt or foster children of any age, you can mentor kid, and of course, giving financially helps, too.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am blessed because I have a WONDERFUL Dad. I belong. I have never---not even for a moment---experiences a lack of Fatherly love and acceptance.

Thousands of children (and adults) will never----not even for a moment---experience fatherly love and acceptance in their life time. This breaks my heart. It breaks my Heavenly Father's heart.

Let's be the church. Let's take care of the orphans and the fatherless.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

So long good impressions, hello total embarassment.

I don't embarrass easily. Seriously, it takes A LOT to turn my face red. Right now, my face is red. Very red.

Let me set the picture. It's 10am. I am in my pj's (a tank and sweats), hair greasy, face unwashed. I am listening to IHOP while I get my chores done for the day.

My niece is here and my kids are doing a pretty great job at keeping her entertained, as usual.

A few minutes earlier we had turned Skype on to see if Auntie Katie was at home. She wasn't.

I am in the kitchen. The computer with IHOP playing is in the family room.

"Mom, E is pushing buttons on the computer."

"E, no, no."

"Son, get away from the computer."

"Son, why are you waving at the computer?"

"E turned on the camera."

"What? How in the world did she do that!"

In all my greasy, pj, glory, I go to the computer, quite unprepared for what I am about to find.

E did not just turned on a camera. E has called someone. And she hasn't just called any one. She has called Mr. C.

Yep. My son isn't just waving to himself. He's waving and making funny faces at my former professor.

I am suddenly very aware of how unrepresentable I look.

I sit down and apologize, explaining what happened. He is very gracious.

I am ready to quickly end this call an go craw into a hole. Instead, he's ready to chat. Turns out, he was in the middle of sending my husband and I a message.

As we chat (me still very aware of my less than acceptable appearance), my children (with my niece going right along with them) decide this is a good time to show off how silly they can be. They continue to wave at the camera, make faces at the camera, make silly noises at the camera, kick at the camera, show their toys to the get the idea.

Here I am, trying to be "professional" and save what little dignity I have left, while my kids are doing their best to completely sabotage my efforts.

Eventually they get so rowdy I can't even hear what he is saying. Our call ends, and I go looking for that hole to crawl in and die of complete embarrassment.

As embarrassed as I am, I see the humor in the situation, and chuckle to myself.

Once again, my kids have succeeded at keeping me humble.


Sunday, May 9, 2010


Ok, so I just blogged about the journey of motherhood for me. Now it's time to brag about my Mommy.

My mom is one of the most amazing women I know. She is strong, determined, kind and caring.

She has given my a Godly heritage that I will pass on to my kids. She taught me to love Jesus by example. I can still see her in her room praying next to her bed. I can hear her singing worship songs as she cleans the house. I can see her Bible, all marked up. I can see her showing love and forgiveness towards others, even those who hurt her.

Being a mom myself now, I truly appreciate all she has done for me. I know I was a thousand times more ornery than my children are, so how she survived raising me is nothing less than a miracle.

I have just as many fun memories of my mom as I do serious ones. I thought I would list a few here.

Playing name that tune.

Hiking up Multnomah Falls with our friends, asking how was she and her friend were able to drag their big bottoms up the hill. (It's a wonder she didn't smack me for that one!)

Going on the roller coasters because Dad was too chicken to take us.

Mom's corny jokes.

Rending the bike cart at seaside.

Mom sledding with us in the back yard.

Happy Mother's Day, mom. I love you!!!

Mom's Day

Six Mother's Days ago, I was three days away from being a mom for the first time. I am not a mom because of natural conception. I am a mom because of God's Divine Design of Adoption. I am a mom because a young woman chose life instead of abortion. I am a mom because that young woman chose me, trusted me to do what she couldn't; raise her baby.

God has a perfect plan and destiny for my two children. He knew that in order to fulfill their destiny they would need the genetic DNA of Her, and the nurturing care of me. From the beginning of time, adoption was ALWAYS His plan for my children, but it took Her making the choice. It took Her making a sacrifice.

I remember the moment I became a mom. The moment my son was born. As the nurses took him away to be cleaned up, I hugged the one who birthed him, both of us crying. She tears of pain, me tears of joy.

Flash forward eighteen months, that some young woman entrusts me once again with her daughter. Eyes full of brokenness, she walks away, knowing that once again she has chosen what is best for her child.

So today, as I reflect on what made me a mom, I am not remembering nine months of physical uncomfortableness or hours of painstaking labor. I am remembering the months of prayer, the months of walking in faith, and months of anticipation. I am remembering a girl who chose life. A girl I will forever be connected to by the two people who made us both Mothers.

Happy Mother's Day M. I love you.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Big little brother

My children, who are 11 months apart to the day, are the best of friends and the worst of enemies. They fight A LOT. They are really mean to each other sometimes. They annoy each other on purpose, and try to get each other in trouble.

They also play together A LOT. When they are apart, even for just a day, they miss each other. They sleep in the same room, by choice, and often in the same bed. When one gets gets a special treat, they make sure to get one for the other.

My Son by nature is a protector. He wants to be an "army guy" when he grows up, so he can help people. He has a very tender heart and watches out for other, especially if they are smaller. If someone is picking on his sister, you can be sure that he will be right there defending her.

Yesterday, Daughter, who tends to be slightly accident prone, fell down a hill while she and brother were on a hike with Daddy. She hurt her back, and when she was still complaining about the pain at bed time, we decided to be safe rather than sorry and get her checked out.

As we head to Nana's to drop off Son, he beaks down in tears. "I don't want sister to be hurt. What is the Dr. going to do to her?" He was so worried about the welfare of his sister.

I have two sisters and we are very close. We watched out for each other, protecting each other. It was always my prayer that my kids, too, would have that close relationship. I am so grateful that they do, and I pray that it continues into adulthood.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Very Proud Mom

This past Sunday, my daughter, who is growing up way too quickly, chose to be baptized. I didn't know if she was ready, if she really understood what it meant, but she did and she was.

Above all else, I want my children to know Jesus, personally, all the days of their life. I know she loves Jesus, and I know that He touched her heart in a special way as she chose to publicly proclaim that He is her Lord and Savior.

It was a very special day for her and for us. We are so proud of the young lady she is becoming.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Easy Fundraiser

We have something new and exciting we'd like to share with you! It's the new Ask For the Nations Ministries toolbar - once added to IE or Firefox, each time you shop at more than 1,300 stores (from Amazon to Zazzle!) a percentage of your purchase will automatically be donated to Ask For the Nations Ministries - at no cost to you (and you may even save money as the toolbar provides coupons and deals as well!). The toolbar also has a search box and each time you search the Internet, about a penny is donated to Ask For the Nations Ministries.

Not only will you be giving each time you search, but if you frequently make online purchases, if you connect to your favorite store through, a portion of your purchase will be donated to Ask For the Nations.

Some of the stores included:
ITUNES (I was excited about that one)
Best Buy
1800 Flowers
Home Depot

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A broken momma....

She has given me two of the most precious gifts. Gifts for which I could never repay. Our relationship is unique. Often unheard of for two in our predicament.

She has betrayed me, hurt me, lied to me. There have been moments where I have been so angry with her, fuming with hate. Yet, I love her. I love her with a deep love that just won't go away. Others ask, why do you bother? Why don't you just walk away? My answer is always the same. I just can't. I often wish I could. Watching her self destruct is painful.

I don't just see the outward self destruction. I see her brokenness. I see her true self, scared, wounded, unable to attach, unable to love. I see her loneliness, and her longing. Longing for someone to love her unconditionally. Longing for someone to care. I see who she could be, who she was created to be.

She is wounded, and doesn't know how to receive healing. She knows of Jesus and His power, of His unending love, but in her brokenness she isn't able to receive it, to let it change her completely.

She says, "I am afraid to be normal, afraid to feel." What it must be like to live with so much pain. What I wouldn't do to take it all away. I sit here, listening, feeling helpless.

In her brokenness, she chose to obey. She chose to listen to the Holy Spirit. She chose life. She chose me to do what she could not. She may never experience wholeness, but because of Jesus her children will. They will know the Father's love. They will know the love of a family, they will know safety, comfort, peace, joy and His grace and mercy.

I want them to know her, too. I see her in their faces each time they smile. I want them to hear her tell a story of God's restoration power. It's not too late. It's never too late to surrender.

Jesus, work a miracle. Set her up with a divine appointment. Bring full restoration to her life. May she be able to receive your love, grace and mercy. Heal her completely. Restore her completely. Give her a Genesis Week in the chaos of her life. Amen.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


I sit here in my comfy home, listening to my kids as they giggle and play. I am thankful for the peace in our home, in our lives. I take a moment to enjoy it and thank God for His goodness.

Many around me face very dark circumstances. Darker than I can imagine. My heart is grieved. I know I am helpless, except for one thing. I have access to the One, Jesus Christ, who is most powerful. And so, I pray. Will you join me?

The people of Haiti: facing destruction and the loss of life.

The Adams: Mom has familia ALS, not expected to live past this year. Daughter suffers from Cerebral Palsey, and is currently in recession from cancer. She has many medical issues as a result of radaiation.

The Gordons: Mom pregnant, unborn baby diagnosed with Trisomy 18, under developed heart and kidneys.

Heather: Daughter dies of abuse by father and fiance. Other daughter seriously abused by the same people, but survies.

Roberta: Went to the hospital yesterday for severe pain in her leg. Dr's believe she has very advanced cancer.

Family Friends: Need a miracle in their marriage and family.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Goodbye 20's...

Another decade has come and gone, and taken my twenties along with it. Yes, I will be turning the big 30 this year, and dreading it already. It is not the issue of age or becoming older that I dread, but the fact that so much time has passed.

I look back at my twenties with a mix of emotions. I reached big milestones---marriage, motherhood. God had provided, protected and blessed me beyond measure. I have so much to be thankful for. However, woven among the blessings and good times, have come some serious challenges and hard times.

As I face the close of a decade and the start of another, I feel frustrated. I wasted so much time---valuable time. I look back and see how I could have done things better. I look at my current state of being and think, I should be better than this! I should be further along than this! It is as if time was moving in a fast forward motion, yet I was stuck in slow motion.

I was blessed to be able to spend the first week of this new decade at the International House of Prayer in KC, Mo. It was so nice to be able to get away and spend hours in His Presence. Being reminded that it is all about our love relationship with Jesus. The more time I spend loving Him and allowing Him to love me, the better I am at life.

Someone spoke/prayed this word from the Lord over all of those present "I know you are a work in progress, but don't you know I love the process?" Wow. He really does. My life is woven in His. He doesn't look at my life and think "Yeah, you really should be further along. I am really disappointed in you." He says, "I know where you are at, and I know where you are going. Let's go together. It's the journey together I enjoy."

So, as I face my 30's head on, and contemplate the many changes I want/need to make, I remember the most important. Loving and being loved by God. I want to look back 10 years from now,not frustrated about the coulda, woulda, shoulda, but with satisfaction. The satisfaction that comes from knowing, despite all that life brought--both good and bad-- I spent the last 10 years head-over-heels in love with my Savior.