Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Ugh...another birthday...

Yesterday was my birthday. Another year's past, another year older. Since 26, each birthday I have had has been a huge reminder that I am getting older, and my life is going no where (well, not really, but it hasn't gone in the direction or timing I planned). However, this year has been pretty awesome. It hasn't been easy at times but it has been a great year of growth and experience, and I am pumped about the year ahead.

Sure, according to my childhood plans, I am seriously behind schedule on my "life". According to my own plans, I am two kids behind, a degree behind, several years behind of ministry in Africa, several major healings and miracles behind, and several walking on water experiences behind. But, my plans don't matter. God's plans do. Nearly daily I surrender my will and life to him, so why is it I get so bummed out when he doesn't work according to my schedule? And whose fault is it that I am not where I want to be? Is it me following God's will and where I am is fully where he wants me to be, or is it my own laziness and fear that is stopping me, but I just blame the will of God?

I was talking to God about this the other day, or rather whining and complaining to God, and he seriously put me in my place. I was expressing my concern, or fear rather, on how long it would take us to get back to Africa. I was reminding him that I was about to be 29, and nowhere near where I imagined I would be, in my walk with him, in my life, and in ministry. He said to me, "Whose stopping you? Stop complaining and do something about it. You hold you back more than I. Get up and do something about it! Move forward instead of standing still, remember, I respond to movement. I would rather you move and stumble than stand still and go nowhere."

Wow. What a reminder that there is God's perfect will, and God's permissible will. I desire his perfect will for my life, but I think I settle for his permissible will too often. How often do I ask for his perfect will to be done in my life, but then do nothing to pursue it? God is perfect and unchanging, which means if we are not in sync, I am the one that needs to adjust. If I am not as close to God as I want to be. If I do know His heart as I desire to know it. If I am not as in tune with the Holy Spirit and I would like, is it because He is holding back? NO! I am the one that must draw near to him and He will draw near to me. I am the one who must seek Him and then all these things will be added.

Each year on my birthday, I look back at what the year has been, and think about the year to come. This year, I want to be on the move with Him. I want to be in pursuit of His heart and His perfect will for my life. I don't want another idle year to pass. I want to look back next year on my birthday....for which I will be 29 again....and say, "God, I know you more, I love you more, I am obeying you more."

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